Feeling low Libido? 3 Ways to feel more sexy

Imagine a man in his 40s walking into his doctor’s office, complaining of low libido, a loss of erection and general anxiety. How much do you want to bet, that he would be presented with more than “it’s your hormones” as an answer or sent to a drug store to try one of the many over the counter remedies that may or may not work. Most notably there would probably be an admission, that those creams, gels, lubes, etc. would probably not make him feel more secure in his predicament.

I will also bet, that by now, research would have had million of dollars in research funding to get to the bottom of it, address it and ensure that millions of men, could maintain fulfilling sexual lives. Then why, is a change in libido dismissed in women as “eh, it’s your hormones, you must be in peri/menopause”?

Sexual wellness for women is so much more multi-faceted than just the physical exchange. It it closely tied to emotion, stress, circumstance, time of day, chores, children (if present), comfort, digestion, fill in your own blank. Intimacy with a partner requires a certain level of relaxation for many and self-acceptance, during a time that is fraught with change and asks us to embrace our - ahm - assets changing, too. Loving our own body is hard at the best of times, confronted with middle age, it asks of us that we undergo another profound transformation, not unlike puberty. All in all, not an easy transition. Again.

There are obvious reasons during the perimenopausal transition as well as menopause, premature menopause and post menopause: the dip in our hormones, in particular estrogen and progesterone.

However, looking at our life as a whole and factors that affect our body, mind, and soul we can look at other reasons that can contribute to a low sex drive.

• Smoking and/ or alcohol

• Fatigue

• Blood pressure changes

• Cancer treatment

• Discomfort during sex

  We asked our team of practitioners to recommend 3 habits to address any of the above through exercise, nutrition, acupressure, and mindfulness, necessary lifestyle changes that will hold benefits in other areas of your life, too (goji berries are also really potent for hot flashes). Choose any and all and add to that a pinch of open conversation with your partner to explain what you are going through as well as allowing them to support you as you rediscover yourself and each other.

Simple changes you can make at home:

1. Tip from Mitch Patience, Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor

   1. Snack on goji berries to improve libido

   2. Acupressure on Ren 4 point: 4 fingers/3 inches below the navel, massage directly on the midline to improve the circulation of Qi in the uterine area and relieve menstrual cramps as well.

2. Check for abdominal separation and improve deep core activation and strength (improves orgasms):

   1. Lie down on our back, with your feet firmly planted on the ground 

   2. To see whether you have any abdominal separation, support your head with one hand and curl up to a crunch. Use the index finger of the other hand and check if you can press down above/ below the belly button and feel a gap of 1, 2, 3 fingers wide. If yes, STOP doing planks and crunches and instead do this exercise below daily and re-check after 2 weeks.

   3. Arch your back slightly without letting your ribs flare, inhale 

   4. Exhale, press your lower back down, think of pointing your hip bones up towards your shoulders and keep your hips on the ground. Hold this position for 5 secs, then release and repeat.

3. A mental health exercise from our own Nancy Rosetti:

   1. Practice self-compassion and reframe your negative thoughts. Say to yourself:

      May I be kind to myself

      You can also ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?” Is there a phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation, such as:

      May I give myself the compassion that I need

      May I learn to accept myself as I am

      May I forgive myself

      May I be strong.

      May I be patient

   Repeat any and all of the above sentences for 5 minutes, take a deep inhale and exhale with a sigh. Go back to your day (and your partner).