Ask the Coach: A Self-care Guide for your Personality Type
We sit down with Doris Fullgrabe, a Jungian psychologist and coach who works with individuals on their personality types and specifically women in midlife. One of the big topics we discuss is how to maneuver getting older and not getting sucked into the doom and gloom of what society makes of older women.
Aging and going through perimenopause and menopause can be a complex experience. It is a new phenomenon in our lives as we are subjected to numerous new and confusing stimuli. Feeling more conflicted about our body image and the physical and mental importance attached to the body during this period is fully justified and the physical changes associated with aging can negatively impact our self-acceptance. Body image is not constant. In women, it may be associated with health or stages of the menstrual cycle. A positive body image is a predictor of well-being and a higher quality of life. {Bloch A. Self-awareness during the menopause. Maturitas 2002; 41: 61-68}
It’s hard to not lose our sense of self, when media and society suggest that being young is the biggest achievement and from the mid 30s onwards, that physical apperance is lost. We get bombarded with messaging about anti aging beauty products and weight loss solutions while the main opportunity of focusing on one’s health and longevity during this time, is lost. We break down a few concepts in this article and will give you self-care tips for your identity type below.
Watch the full video for our interview with Doris and download her workbook for your self-care, here:
What is Identity?
Your identity or sense of self is a unique combination of physical and psychological characteristics as well as our roles and affiliations. It has continuity, i.e. it doesn’t “change”, but it evolves and grows as you go through life. Identity is based on self- knowledge and feed-back from others. Our self-esteem is part of that self-knowledge. It is how we judge ourselves positively compared to others. We tend to prefer self-enhancing information, which supports our ego, resilience, and mental health, but we also need objective feedback to become aware of our blind-spots.
Jungian Type Theory
Jungian Type theory stipulates that we come into the world with a predisposition to use our brains in certain ways. It's a theory of opposites that suggests we use both sides, but prefer one side over the other, like handedness. You may be right- or left-handed, but you use both to button your shirt. During the first half of our life, we develop one judging (Thinking or Feeling) and one perceiving function (Sensing or Intuiting). They inform how we make meaning of the world; this is our ego-consciousness. At midlife, our minds want to integrate the opposite sides (which we have been neglecting), to create a balanced whole.
Identity: a social Construct
As children, we tend to behave without compromise. As we grow older, we learn to adapt our behaviors to situational contexts. Self-enhancing information helps build healthy self-esteem, which signals the body that we belong. If we receive negative or critical feedback, we learn to suppress those parts of ourselves to maintain a feeling of belonging and self-esteem. Midlife is an opportunity to revisit those internalized messages and reassess whether they are still true or necessary.
Go to Doris’ website to find out your type and then use our self-care recommendations below.
Extraverted Sensing: Feel aliveGo for a massage and combine the physical recovery with the emotional recovery of being taken care of.
Introverted Sensing: Feel groundedGround yourself by walking barefoot outdoors. Grounding may help improve sleep and reduce chronic pain.
Extraverted Intuiting: Feel inspiredTry a new workout class. Not only will your metabolism thank you for switching things up, but so will your mind. Make it a challenge and playfully discover a new thing.
Introverted Intuiting: Feel as oneMeditate or recite a mantra. The easiest way is to couple your breath to your thoughts and inhale while thinking a positive word you want to attract. Exhale and push away a thought you want to get rid of.
Extraverted Thinking: Feel in control Engage in active recovery. If you aren’t good at resting, try an acupuncture session and take the best mini nap while healing your body and mind.
Introverted Thinking: Feel autonomousGive yourself a social media time out or declare screen free time to do an activity you love. That could mean running or walking “naked”, aka without technology, a sense of your pace, music or podcasts. Just focusing on what you see, how you feel and how long you want to move.
Extraverted Feeling: Feel lovedCook a meal for friends that is nutritious and you can share making.
Introverted Feeling: Feel realJournal. Keeping a gratitude journal at your bedside table is a great way to download when you wake up (think: Julia Cameron’s morning pages) or to list 3 things you are specifically grateful for in the day that just ended.